don't know where i'm at || LEWT

[Rio Daniels]

She was bored. And things were never good when Rio Daniels was bored, especially as of late. She had become colder with the discovery of the man who was responsible for the deaths of her mother and father and she wanted nothing more than to kill him. The problem was, he was far more powerful than she could ever dream to be. It didn't make her anger any less and she knew she was pushing Lewt away because of it. She didn't want to, and she hated herself for it, but she didn't know how to deal with her emotions any other way. She had already seemed weak in front of him when she had lost it while talking about what had happened to her and her family, and she honestly didn't want to give him another reason to think she was incapable of being where she was.

Shaking her head, Rio looked under the brim of her tan colored Stetson, her bright blue eyes squinting because of the glare of the sun off of the snow at her feet. She was freezing, but she wasn't one to complain about that sort of thing. She simply didn't have the right winter attire because she hadn't been able to afford it. And while she could get some now, she didn't want to use the money from the gang because she felt like it was a hand out. Her stubbornness as of late was astounding and she knew she was the way that she was because of the information she had recently discovered.

Grumbling to herself, she shoved her gloved hands into the pocket of the light jacket she was wearing, her teeth chattering as she trudged through the snow and to the barn. West was resting comfortably in the back corner of his stall and as she came in, he lifted his painted head in greeting, nickering to her as she closed the door behind him. "Hey boy.." She whispered softly to him, heading to his stall and opening the door, slipping in. He walked over to her, his ears perked forward as she held her hand out to him, revealing the carrot she had managed to steal for him. He gobbled it greedily, and she ran her fingers up his two colored face, ending in his forelock. Stroking her fingers through the long strands, she sighed softly and rubbed his forehead, which he obviously appreciated. "I know why mom and dad are really dead, bud. Greed. I'm no better than him, huh?" She whispered quietly, the realization making her stomach clench.

She had killed men in order to get their money and she couldn't look at herself any differently. Sighing, she patted her stallion's muscled neck and then leaned against the stall wall, sliding down it to rest on her butt in the straw. West lowered his head and nosed around the space beside her, staying close to her. Her eyes flipped up as she heard the barn door open and she hoped no one would look in her horse's stall. She didn't want to talk to anyone.

[Lewt McConnell]

The nights had grown longer since Rio had begun to distance himself. It was subtle at first, he’d barely noticed it even. However, as the long days progressed and the winter grew, it seemed the ice in Rio’s heart did as well. Lewton McConnell hadn’t known how to communicate with the woman in such a way to determine her recent suffering. He felt guilty because of this. It seemed within the past month since he had faced the beautiful young woman she had a sense of distraction within her pooled blue eyes. Lewton grew wary of this and troubled himself over it. His drinking became heavy, his nights away from Rio became more frequent. Nonetheless, he remained loyal. He couldn’t imagine himself fading deliberately back into the ways of a womanizer.

Lewton had absorbed himself in his work. Determining well-drawn out plans of a upcoming spring-time train robbery in St. Louis, Missouri that would be tedious. The long winter months was not a time to be venturing across the blistering cold prairies. It was a time of danger. Despite the cold temperatures the desert days remained cool while the nights became unbearably frozen. With every aspect of his boredom Lewton settled his unenthused nature with drinks of alcohol and playing music. In these long, uneventful months he couldn’t seem to find anyone else besides Rio to keep him away from bad habits. However, she was distracted.

Lewton McConnell had been intoxicated since the day before. His bright tawny hair was seemingly rustic hued from a lack of a bath, pulled behind his head in a low pony-tail. His typically cornflower, clear blue eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep. The men had been foolishly riding about the desert, firing their guns with no object to their undetermined game. It was a surprise they had made their way back. It seemed there was several times Lewton had fallen from Lancaster through out the day, yet he was numb from the amount of alcohol in his blood stream. The scrapes and bruises were nothing more than a pigment of his imagination. It was until sobriety hit he would regret it all.

They rode in like a herd of wild banshees. Yipping like wild Indians and screaming like drunken fools. Hell, the entertainment was in their foolishness. Lewton pulled back on the reins, causing Lancaster to abruptly halt. Lewton patiently waited for a moment almost hoping Rio would come out with a bitter look on her face, scolding them for being unnecessarily loud. However, the air grew still. Lewton dismounted the bay and exhaled a disappointed sigh. “Y’all let ‘em horses loose in the pasture. I’m takin’ good ol’ Lancaster in-ina stable-s ‘ere. ‘e ain’t get along wh-it ’em ol’ f-fuckin’ ’stangs. ” Lewton managed to spit the slurred orders out at his men.

Lewton barely managed to stumble across towards the barn. Prying the door open he opened it. His light eyes observing the slightly blurred visuals before him. Completely empty. Slowly, Lewton begun to unsaddle the bay. “Ain’t ever know what’s wr-wron’ with my pretty girl, Rio, ya know ol’ f-feller.” He slurred, leading the horse into a empty stall and closing the heavy door behind him. His heart sunk as he thought about her.

It was then he stumbled back and lost his balance. Too drunk to stand, he collapsed into the stall door behind him. Listening to the disgruntled snorts of the horse that was already in it Lewton got up slowly and peered at the horse. “Y-ya, y-ya I f-fuckin’ heard ya.” His eyes dropped down towards the corner of the stable in which he noticed Rio was sitting. “G-ghood God, woman! I-Iah- well, I’ve been l-lookin’ fer’ ya ev-every where!” He furrowed his brows and rested his head on the bars of the stable. He shook his head and furrowed his brows. “Ya...well ya been i-ignorin’ me. An’, I jus-jus’ wanna t-tell ya something R-Rio Daniels. I ain-w-well I ain’t likin’ it! There goddamnit! I s-said it.”

[Rio Daniels]

Rio felt guilty for pushing Lewton away as much as she had. She knew that it wasn't his fault, that her temper wasn't caused by anything that he was doing or wasn't doing. He had been loyal, he had been there for her...he had been everything that she had ever wanted in a man. And here she was messing it up because she was too overwhelmed and involved in the realization of her parents' murder. She didn't know how to tell him, she didn't know if she could even tell him. She didn't want him to see her as weak. She didn't want him to think that she couldn't handle what was going on in her life, because she could. She just couldn't face anyone else while she was trying to digest it all.

Her parents had been murdered because of a greedy, rich landowner slash businessman. Her father had refused to sell his lands because they hadn't needed to, and the man had acted out of greed and power. He got what he wanted, no questions asked and Rio now wondered if he was going to come looking for her next. She hadn't been able to figure out what had happened until recently. Hoping that would keep her safe for the time being, she tried to figure out what she could tell Lewt. She didn't want to put him in danger and she certainly didn't want to give him another reason to worry about her. She was sure that her distance was bothering him now and she honestly didn't want it to push him too far. She didn't want to lose him, but she knew she was being extremely selfish.

Sighing to herself, she reached up to idly stroke her fingers through her stallion's long mane, but tensed as he spooked when the barn door crashed open. She had heard the men ride into the yard, causing a ruckus and shouting unnecessarily loud, but for once, she didn't pay them any mind. In the past she would have gone out and yelled at them for the reckless display but she just didn't have the heart to do that anymore. Furrowing her brow as she heard the stumbled steps, she wondered who in the world it could be. She knew that the men had been shooting wildly while they were out riding like maniacs and whoever had stumbled in here seemed drunker than a skunk. It was then that she heard his familiar voice, although slurred, fill up the silence of the barn. The worry seared in her heart, but it was doubled with the anger over how drunk he was. He shouldn't have had a gun in his hand and he shouldn't have been out riding in that state!

Furious now, she listened as he spoke to his horse, hearing her name was his statement as she sat with her knees pulled up to her chest. West snorted where he stood, tossing his head once as he looked over to study the drunken man and the horse that had become like a buddy for him. They were the two that stayed inside of the barn more often than not. Her heart broke as she heard him muse out loud about her to his horse and the quiet sigh left her lips. She was about to stand to confront him, when suddenly, there was a crash at the stall door. Jumping, she watched as West responded to the intrusion with his ears pinned straight back and his teet bared, snorting and shaking his head back and forth. Hearing Lewt's words, she nearly smiled, until she saw him looming at the bars, looking straight at her.

"Lewt.."

She started in, but was slowly interrupted as he started slurring his words. She wanted to be mad at him for what he had done today, but did she have the right to be? Not at all. Pushing herself to her feet, she approached him, listening to him struggle through his sentences as he informed her that he didn't like how she had been avoiding him. Watching him with her quiet blue eyes, she slipped through West's door and latched it behind her, shaking her head at Lewt. "I'm sorry Lewt, I really am. It ain't you, I promise. I'm happy with you, I am." She paused, the story nearly at the tip of her tongue, but she rolled it back in quickly. "Yer drunk. I promise I'll talk to you when yer sober." She said to him, brushing past him quickly with her head down. However, she had a feeling he wouldn't let her go like this. He was too drunk to allow it, so she turned willingly on her heel, her teeth still chattering from her inappropriate winter wear. "Also, maybe ya shouldn't be shootin' a gun that drunk...or ridin'. Yer gonna regret it in the mornin' babe."

[Lewt McConnell]

Lewton McConnell couldn’t even remember a time where he had stared Rio straight in the eye and felt sullen about it. This time it was different. It felt abnormal to look at her in such a way. Typically he found himself stumbling over his joy just to peer into her eyes. It was the love between them that had gotten him so confused these past couple of months. Hell, it had been years since he’d felt it last. He couldn’t remember the confusion that had arisen upon his past love. Yet the feeling that was still fresh within his heart was the piercing news of Pearl Chavez’s untimely death had been pronounced. The unsettling pain had been enough for him to fear the intensity of another love. It seemed months before he had risen from the sullen darkness of his pain to avenge her death. However, Rio had shown him that love wasn’t to be as fearful as he had made it out to be.

Lewton McConnell paused as he stared into her large, familiar blue eyes. It brought a warm smile to his lips to see her. Subtle fear emerged as he watched her, sitting in the far corner of the stable. He felt helpless watching her amidst her deep depression and yet he didn’t know how to help. It was no excuse to turn to the bottle when things got rough. It was just Lewton McConnell’s way of dealing with things. He exhaled a deep breath and touched his fingers lightly against the cool bars of the stable. “I missed ya, my p-pretty s-w-eet d-darlin’.” He admitted longingly as he stared at her.

As she spoke he felt slightly comforted by the warmth of her sultry voice. These long, cold winter nights he had pressed himself to avoid her at all cost. His eyes swept her freckled features and he nodded softly as he understood her response. Deep down he knew it wasn’t him that was causing all the inner turmoil within her. Furrowing his light brows he shook his head in slight frustration as he begun his heavy southern stuttering. “Wha-what’s w-wrong, freckles? Wha-what i-is goin’ on with ya?! I-I s-shure as hell w-wanna know. It-it ain-ain’t righ’ to make me feel sorry. W-worryin’ ‘bout ya all these nights.” He threw his head back away from the bars and stared at her gauntly.

“D-darlin’, y-yes I am v-very intoxicated. A-ain’t matter none. I-I love ya very much. I-I-I am v-very worried ‘bout ya, sw-sweet darlin’. Now, please, tell me. I c-can try to help.” His brows rose, a pleading expression written across his features. He longed to help her.

[Rio Daniels]

"I've missed ya too, Lewt."

She admitted softly to him, looking up at him as she made her way across the stall. West watched her as she left him, snorting and tossing his head as she actually exited his pen. She closed and latched the door behind her, watching Lewton carefully with her expressive blue eyes. She didn't know how to tell him that her parents had actually been murdered, that she was supposed to be dead too because of a greedy land shark. She didn't know how to tell him that she was worried for her life now because she knew the truth to the situation. If the man who was responsible ever found out that she knew, she wasn't sure what he would do to her. She knew that he was extremely powerful and rich and an outlaw like her would stand no chance against him. She just needed to remain here in her silence, but try to overcome her depression.

As she stood there, ready to walk away from Lewton once again, she knew that this wasn't fair to him. He had done nothing wrong, and her distance had driven him back to the bottle. Before, she had been able to comfort him so that he didn't need to drink but now she was the very reason that he was drinking. Sighing softly to herself, she turned on her heel to face him, staring at him and remembering all of the reasons as to why she loved him. An overwhelming need to be in his arms overcame her in that moment and as he asked her what was wrong and that it wasn't fair for her to make him worry like this, she stepped forward quickly, closing the distance between them both. Her arms wrapped around his waist tightly as she buried her face in his neck, breathing in the familiar scent of him, peppered with the smell of booze as well. "I love ya, Lewt. Don't forget that." She told him softly, her lips moving against his neck as she remained in his arms.

As he pleaded with her to tell him what was wrong, she sighed softly, her breath cresting against his skin. Not trusting herself to actually pull back and tell him while looking him in the eye, she spoke up softly. "My parents weren't murdered 'cause of some Injun raid. It was a set up by a rich ass that wanted their land. Pa wouldn't sell, so the shark went aftuh it a different way. If he knows I know, I'm as good as dead." She finished quietly, pulling away from him in that moment of confession. Looking up at him with her bright blue eyes, she wondered how this situation could possibly get any worse, and she knew, in that moment, that if she didn't have Lewt, it would be worse. She couldn't lose him, no matter what.